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A Time To Laugh
The Maker of all human beings (GOD) is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.
This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed "Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality," or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.
Some of the symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction
2. Four vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this defect.
The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.
The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.
Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.
No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self control
Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.
WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on Jesus.
DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility. Thank you for your attention!
- GOD
P.S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by 'Knee mail'!
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(1) - In Farmington, Missouri, Susan Faraday, 28, in
court facing a drug charge, was also charged with
theft, after she stole several items from the court,
including the judge's gavel, on her way out of the
courtroom.
(2) - In Milwaukee, Wisconsin, David Keeler, 33, a
bank robber, wrote his holdup note on the back of
his probation papers, which noted he was on
probation for bank robbery.
(3) - Ann Baker, 45, planning to burn down her house
for the insurance money in Greensburg, Pennsylvania,
removed almost all of her furniture, a TV, clothes,
and several large appliances, and covered them with
a protective tarp, in her back yard, before setting
the house on fire.
(4) - In Butler, Pennsylvania, Joel Crytzer, 63, was
charged with marijuana possession, when officers
spotted the drug on the floor of his car, which they
had stopped, because Crytzer had been cruising down
he road, seemingly oblivious to the fact that, his
car had only three tires.
(5) - On Long Island, New York, Martin Maynard, 28,
stole a TV, an MP3 player, a desktop computer and a
phone from an electronics store, returned a few days
later to return the TV, the MP3 player, the desktop
computer, and the phone for a refund.
(6) - An Atlanta woman, Diane Cartwright, 22, with
counterfeit bills she wanted to pass, went to a
grocery store, and attempted to pay for goods, by
mixing the counterfeit bills, in with some real
cash. When a clerk noticed that some of the bills
were fake, Cartwright fled, leaving all the cash
behind. Upon returning home, she had her boyfriend,
Carl Weston, 24, call the police, and ask if they
could come by the station, and claim the money she'd
left behind, that wasn't fake. The cops said,
"Sure," Cartwright and Weston were arrested, when
they arrived at the police station.
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